July 31, 2002
I worked an extra shift last night. It went really well and I can't complain because I was making the big bucks. I don't know why I don't do it more often. I guess it's easier to be lazy. I also just like to be away from the place and to sleep during the night.
I just got home from the grocery store. As I was wheeling my cart out to my car, this old man (79 to be exact) came up to me and started chatting. "You go to San Diego State, huh?," having spotted my license plate holder declaring I was at one time an Aztec. I went there, I tell him. He proceeded to talk to me for about 15 minutes. I chatted back and forth with him about San Diego, the effects of aspirin and red meat upon the heart, my sweet little Jetta that he found to be just as sweet, and so on. Many people would have been put out by having this little old man come up and talk to them. I didn't mind. I am used to it, considering that it is pretty much part of what I do every night at work. He was very sweet and obviously very lonely. I hope I made his day a little brighter. I would have stayed and chatted longer, which he wouldn't have minded, but I had groceries in the trunk. I don't think he was there to shop. He was hanging out in the Scolari's parking lot to socialize. To find someone to listen to his theories about the terrorists plans to blow up San Diego as soon as the USS Ronald Reagan comes into port and how the AMA is scamming us with all of their recent studies and findings. I guess I am glad he filled me in and that I had the time to listen.
July 29, 2002
My break lights are now in working order, and it was free! I work up early and drove it down to the dealer. As I am telling him what's going on (or what's not going on, i guess), he tells me that it's probably the switch. Apparently, they see it all the time. And he proceeds to tell me I am lucky because sometimes they get stuck in park, although I don't know how that could happen since I have a 5 speed. I thought it was interesting he shared all of this with me. What else do you see all of the time? What can I expect to bring me in to see you next time? I really do love my car. It's a 2000 Volkswagen Jetta. It's green, has a sunroof, a 5 disc CD changer, and is just so very cute to look at. Shane and I bought it about a year and a half ago. I had a 1987 Acura Integra prior to that. It was a sweet liitle thing, but somewhat unreliable and I was commuting over an hour a day to SDSU. Now I hardly drive at all. We live about a mile from the hospital, which is where I seem to go the most. I get gas about once a month or so. It's nice to not have to drive so much. I don't have to deal with rush hour anymore. I don't miss that at all. I do miss Dave, Shelley, and Chainsaw every morning. I don't know how I could have stayed awake without them.
July 28, 2002
Today we were given permission to get a pet. Not a pet as in a fish or a bird or anything. As in a pup or a kitty. Our landlord came over today and told us that if we wanted a dog or a cat, it was fine with him. That was the only thing holding us back. At least that's what we were telling ourselves before this afternoon. According to our lease, no pets were allowed (even though there is a dog door in the garage). So now we must decide. It would be fun to have a little friend around, but it also would be a lot of work. And, in the future, it could affect where we can rent if and when we move. Shane's mom thinks we should skip the pets and go straight into having babies. My parents have never been dog people, really. We had one dog when I was little. Zara. She was an afghan and loved to lay in the street. She was nothing but trouble. She was a very stupid dog, from what I can remember. Not only stupid, but an ugly, ugly dog. Mom, if you are reading, can you please tell me what ever led you two to decide to get that dog? Please, tell me you found her somewhere and out of the goodness of your heart, decided to take her in and save her from being put to sleep or something like that. After her, we stuck with cats. However, dogs do have a strange affinity for my mom. They all love her and she could pretty much care less about them. It's really weird. I wouldn't mind a kitten. I think it would be a lot easier to move with and care for than a dog. If we got a dog, we would want to get a beagle. They are so very cute and good dogs, but they can get into trouble, which kind of worries me. If we had a beagle, we would name him Otto. Sigh.
Now is not a good time, seeing as we might be leaving the area for a few weeks. I guess that gives us time to think about it and make a wise decision. Shane has already informed me he knows where the Human Society is in town.
Here are pictures of my first sweet pea and the dwarf bell pepper, if you care to look.
This weekend, we drove down to Santa Maria to Costco. One the way there, we were informed by a man in a black Mustang that my break lights weren't working. Great. Shane messed with stuff and they still aren't working. Now I have to make another trip to the dealer. I hate the dealer. But, there is a chance it could be covered under the warranty, so it is best that I take it there. So, we drove to Santa Maria without break lights. It's a good thing I am such a great driver.
In Santa Maria, we went to Best Buy and bought some stuff. Then we went to Costco and found the same stuff for cheaper. We bought the stuff again at Costco, then went back and returned the stuff at Best Buy. We ended up buying The Royal Tenenbaums, Amelie, and a computer game called Star Craft. We watched The Royal Tenenbaums last night. Check this out. Very offensive.... Am I a bad Christian for thinking it was awesome? It made me laugh repeatedly. The scenes and acting couldn't have been better. I think everyone could relate to one of the characters or another on several different occasions. The movie is a little bizarre and the characters are strange, but it's just a movie.
Another day of studying for Shane. It would have been nice if we had been in school at the same time. I remember back in the day, when I was in school, I always had a lot of homework and he was always wanting me to come play. Now he has all the homework to do and I want to play. If we had both been in school at the same time, we could have studied together and now be playing together. I guess we don't have to much longer now and then the world will be ours to run around and play in.
July 27, 2002
It takes me about 10 minutes to put my hair up into a pony tail. Ten minutes. And we aren't even talking about a perfect ponytail. We are talking about a so-so ponytail that is just good enough to wear out in public. I don't know what my problem is. I know that one of the problems is that I have cowlics. I have one in the front that makes it so I cannot wear bangs. I had them growing up and my hair would spring up in out in the middle. As I became older and started to care, I grew them out and haven't gone back since. I have one on the back left side of my head. This is the one that I fight with when attempting to make a ponytail. It sticks out and just drives me crazy. I put my hair up and pull it out several times before I decide it looks decent and go on my way. It's a ponytail. It should be easy. It bums me out. My hair is about shoulder length right now. About the length that I decide I hate it and cut it short again. I don't really hate it right now, but I really want to get highlights. I have been talking about getting them for a year. I am thinking that I will try to get my mom to take me to get them when I am home to visit...I think she misses me enough to take me. She is putty in my hands.
Things you should try if you haven't before:
Vanilla Coke. It's pretty good. Kind of a mix between regular coke and cream soda.
Trader Joe's spicy hummus dip. It's very tasty with tortilla chips and only $1.69 a shot. I imagine you could put it on all kinds of stuff, but we aren't very creative or adventurous.
My first sweet pea flower is blooming. It's about time. Shane has been keeping alook out for about a month or so and asking me every day if I was sure they were sweet peas, since they weren't doing much. It looks like it's dark pink. We also have a dwarf green pepper growing. No tomatoes yet.
I have been searching for a cross stitch that I can make for Shane's brother Clay and his soon to be wife for a wedding present. I finally bought one today and started on it. They are getting married in November. I made one for Shane and I when we were getting married.
I have to inform you that Shane designed the "B" in Bonham. He's very proud of that B.
July 25, 2002
I pray a lot while I am at work. I don't pray as much as I should, but I do pray. I pray that I won't screw up, I pray that so and so will sleep, that so and so's blood pressure will go down (or up), I pray that so and so will stay in bed and stop trying my patients. I should be thanking the Lord for all of the moments that go right. All the good blood pressures and good decisions I make. For all of the sleeping patients. I also am a bit superstitious at work. I wear my stethoscope around my neck most nights for fear that if I take it off, someone's blood pressure will be high. I carry nitroglycerin spray (for chest pain, not bombs) in my pocket because if I take it out, someone will inevitably have chest pain. Those are the only examples I can think of right now, but I seriously will be putting my stethoscope into my backpack and will stop myself and put it back around my neck. Most of the time, my patient's have nice, average, "I don't have to call and wake up a doctor" blood pressures. If I get a little rebelious and decide to take it off anyway, you can bet a blood pressure rises. I have been conditioned. It's all very silly and probably just coincidence, but I keep on doing it.
It seems like a lot of people know when they are going to die. I am referring to patient's in the hospital. Older people that are sick. This lady who broke her hip came in for a routine surgery. Yesterday she told the nurse she was dying. Last night as I cared for her, she began to do so. This isn't the first time I have seen this, where someone predicts their death. Is it something they feel or see? I don't know, but it freaks me out. It's one of those things that gives me goose bumps. How do they know? It is hard to see someone go. Even if it is a good thing. I have been relieved to see people pass away, knowing they are no longer physically, or mentally suffering. But it's hard to watch their bodies shut down, as their extremities get cold and blue and they stop making urine and their breathing patterns change. Am I being morbid? It is heart wrenching. One of the hardest things is watching their loved ones cope with the loss of their mother or father or child and trying to comfort them. You end up hugging a perfect stranger, knowing that that is what they need at that moment. They hug you back so tightly. The time spent with the patient and the family those last few hours is really rough. You feel like you are adopted into their family in a way. You grieve with them and have to say goodbye. It is one of the most difficult parts of my job. But I am thankful for those moments and that I am able to be there for all of them in their time of grieving.
July 24, 2002
My mom had my older brother when she was seventeen years old. My grandpa was in the Navy and was stationed there. By the time she found out she was pregnant, they had moved back to San Diego. She convinced them to let her go back to Hawaii to visit and sent them a letter telling them of her condition. They let her stay there to have the baby. She lived in a group home with other pregnant girls, close to her boyfriend, whom she planned to marry. These days, it's a common thing to see pregnant teenagers. They were all over the place when I was in High School. Some girls had more than one child. It was not so common back then. She saw my brother one time after he was born. He was in a little yellow outfit. She named him Robert. I can't imagine what it was like for her to give a piece of her away. She wanted him to have more than she could give him. Giving him away was an act of love. I saw the pictures of him once. A little baby in a yellow smock. I didn't know who he was. I aksed my mom and she told me he was a friend's child. They were the only physical evidence she had left of him.
She told me about him when I was thirteen or so. I cried when she told me. I cried because she had to give up her baby. I cried because I somehow thought she had cheated on my dad. Twenty something years had passed and all my mom had of him were the nine months they had spent together and her dreams of him. A few years later, my mom received a call from my grandparents. They told her to sit down. He had found her. After several years of searching, she was able to meet her baby. To begin a relationship with him. Her dreams had come true. He came to visit us. He resembles my family, other than he is part Japanese from his dad's side. His feet look like mine. We have the same ears. He grew up in Hawaii and went to Yale. He was provided for. His name is Jon now. I know my mom regrets having given him up, but is so thankful that he was given a life she never could have given him. I know she is happy that she was able to bless a family that could not have children of their own by giving them her precious baby. He and my mom talk and he visits every now and then. I know they both treasure the moments they spend together, having been apart for so many years. He calls her mom, which I know fills her heart with joy. They love each other unconditionally. They have learned a lot about each other as they have attempted to catch up on all the years they spent apart. He is her child despite the fact that they met when he was an adult. They both bite their tongues and purse their lips when they are mad. They both are compassionate and giving individuals. They have a very special bond. They accept each other for who they are. She is his mom and he is her son.
July 23, 2002
I never dreamt of being a nurse as a kid. The only times I can ever remember thinking about nurses was when I read this book that had been my mom's about a little girl from the 50s, "Nurse Nancy," who mended her brother's owies. The thing that I liked about it was that she had cool colored bandaids in the shapes of stars and hearts and so on. Apparently the book originally came with bandaids. They had been used long before my time. I was the only girl in my family in a neighborhood of little boys and old people. I was able to entertain myself very easily growing up. I would play school, taping a piece of construction paper to the wall and using it as my chalkboard. I would play secretary, answering a pretend phone, making my own checks and running my little office. Then there were my barbies. I wanted to be a gymnast in the Olympics (my best friend and I would pretend we were Nadia Comaneci on a regular basis). I would make my barbies gymnasts. They would break their arms and I would make them kleenex casts. I even took gymnastics, but got about as far as cart wheels and wlking across the balance beam. I also had a brief phase in where I was into ice skating. Sucking at it myself, my barbie was a pro. I suppose I lived vicariously through my barbies. I guess it wouldn't have been very fun to play nurse barbie.
I don't know how I ended up a nurse. I don't think I even knew what a nurse did until I was in Nursing school. I think I like being a nurse. I like helping people, feeling like I have made a difference. I am constantly learning, which I enjoy. It kind of scares me sometimes, that I am responsible for these very sick people during my twelve hour shift. I am the eyes for the doctors. I am a patient advocate. Their lives are in my hands. I am learned so much over the past year and have grown a lot from my experience. Sometimes I can't believe I do what I do.
After tomorrow night, I will be the only full time staff nurse on our unit. I should get a medal. Working the most, paid the least. What are they going to do, you ask? How are they going to provide care for all of their patients with such terrible staffing? I have no idea what they are thinking. Either they think I am super nurse and will be able to do the job of five nurses in a single bound, or they are plotting to run me off. If things got really bad, I would consider leaving. We do have some part time nurses, so I am not alone, but they only work 2 days a week. We need full timers. I went to the staff meeting the other day and our new Chief Nursing Officer asked the three of us sitting there what *we* were going to do about *our* staffing problem. I thoguht that was his job. He's the one getting paid the big bucks. Pay us more and make it worth our while to work here. Then you will retain staff and attract some new nurses. Until then, there are better places to live and better hospitals to work at and that's where all the nurses are working. I am a little worried about how things are going to be, since I am the one having to hold down the fort. Practically alone, except for the twenty sick, confused old people. Pray for me.
July 22, 2002
What a night. I hate taking care of stupid people. That's pretty much what I did all night.
A call light goes off, I walk into the room. "Did you need something?" (Keep in mind it's 2 in the morning and this is my 20th trip into the room) "My leg is stuck. It fell off the bed and I can't get it back up." I walk out of the room after putting the leg back on the bed (pretty sad when you can't even lift your leg up...).
Another call light. "Can I help you with something?" "I stood up to pee and something happened." Wet pants. Change the pants, change the bed. "I want to go outside to smoke." "Last time you went out to smoke, you had chest pain. You are hear because you might have had a heart attack..." Chest pain ensues. And so on.
The night was just silly. As I am running around, the other nurses are sitting there. No offers to help. Nothing. I wasn't on my unit, which probably had something to do with it and I could have asked, I suppose. I just wish I could have patients that are able to think rationally and don't threaten to leave AMA if they don't get to go outside and smoke their damn cigarette. Fine. Leave. Go smoke your cigarette. I really don't care if your chest hurts. I hope I don't have to go back there tomorrow.
And now, I should sleep. I just don't get people sometimes. I am tired of being patient. I am tired of being nice. I can be totally pissed off, but I am so nice and reserved and sweet to them. Sometimes I wish I could just go off. I think I need to get away from old people....
July 20, 2002
My dad invented the squeeze bottle. At least, he came up with the idea. I can remember sitting around the table when I was a kid, eating dinner and hearing my dad talk about what a great thing it would be, if instead of glass bottles, they invented squeeze bottles. Ketchup, reslish, mayonnaise, salad dressing, butter and so on. We could have been rich, if only he had taken his idea further than the dining room table. Today I saw squeeze bottle sour cream for the first time at the grocery store.
I went to the the used books store with a list of books I wanted and was unable to find any of them. I then went over to Barnes and Noble and couldn't bring myself to buy any books because they were so expensive. I am sorry but I can't bring myself to spend $15 on a book I am not even sure I am going to like. It was very depressing.
Antibiotics were created some 50 years ago to kill all the little bugs. We thought we had them beat. Check this out. Not good at all. It's pretty scary to think that there is a strain of bacteria out there that we cannot effectively treat... a strain of bacteria that was able change itself and build resistance to everything that had previously destroyed it. Now what?
July 19, 2002
I was getting ready to go to bed and this little experience came to mind, causing me to laugh to myself. Consider it a bedtime story.
My aunt subscribes to People Magazine. Every now and then, she would bring us a stack of hand me downs, and my mom and I would flip through the last few months of the happenings of the rich and famous. A few years back, we had just received a new shipment. As I flipped through, I found a magazine which one of my three elementary school aged cousins had had been the last to read. I broke out in laughter, and shock, and showed the pictures of several men and women with little breasts and penises drawn on them. It was really kind of funny and I think my mom laughed along with me. I couldn't believe my little cousins would even know what to draw, or that they would be brave enough to do so in one of their mom's magazines. My mom tucked away the little masterpiece to return to my aunt. None of my cousins would admit they had drawn them and blamed each other. People Magazine gone porno. You may not think it was that funny. I thought it was....
July 17, 2002
Just because it's on my mind right now, I hate when people write lol. I hate it. With a passion. And most of the people who use it feel the need to say it repeatedly, like after every sentence. It drives me crazy! I feel better now.
Macrobid...friend or foe???
I found out today that Shane will probably be going to supervisor school down in Fullerton for the first three weeks of September. As far as we know, they put him up in a hotel, give him money to eat, and he goes and learns how to be a super supervisor Monday through Friday morning. We are thinking that maybe I should take some time off of work and go with him. We would be closer to people and places we know and love and it may be the closest we will get to a vacation any time soon. The question is, will we be able to live without blogging for three weeks? Without reading the blogs we have come to know and love and check in on at least once a day? I doubt Jason Killingsworth will guest blog for either one of us. We are just peons in the blogging circle. Well, it would be very nice to get away and take a break from life up here.
July 16, 2002
When I was a kid, I would get really afraid, like, pee my pants afraid, when I would hear sirens. I thought my house was on fire (even if I was at my house) or something. I was deathly afraid of them. Then I entered my firemen-are-hot phase and would get a little excited when I would here their sirens. I am not too into them anymore, whether it's because I now have a man of my own, who is hotter than any fireman, or because the fire trucks here in San Luis are that yellowish-green color instead of red, I am not sure. Now adays, the sound of a siren reminds me of work. A new patient on it's way? It's not my favorite sound, but I am no longer pee my pants afraid when I hear them (although I do have a weak bladder in stressful situations).
July 15, 2002
All about Erika
1. Erika is recognized as a mark of excellence in Europe, North and South America
2. Erika is bossy!
3. Erika is currently studying how a laser beam and an imperfect interact, with both analytical and numerical methods
4. Erika is a Category 1 Hurricane with 85 mph maximum sustained winds
5. Erika is a hero to her father
6. Erika is a bright, lively second-grader
7. Erika is moving almost directly north at 13 mph
8. Erika is not in the market to do other people's work
9. Erika is gone, but check back here soon for The Best Of Erika: Video, Animations, Photos, Maps!
10. Erika is the princess of the Land of Magic
I am having withdrawals. I long to read. I want a good book to dive into. I don't know what to read next. I need to read!!! Any ideas???
"To have her meals and her daily walk, and her fill of novels,and to be left alone, was all she asked of the gods."
-Anthony Trollope
July 10, 2002
Ugh...I have stuff I need to do, places I need to go, but I just can't bring myself to put any clothes on (you'll like that one, Shane). It is so hot. I just woke up and got out of the shower. Not doing too bad, sleeping in the heat. I have a meeting at work today, in 40 minutes, where I am told the "boss" is going to tell us we have been way over staffed lately and that we can pretty much kiss that goodbye. Can't wait....
The highlight of my night last night was having applesauce flung at me. One would never think that one spoonful of applesauce could go so far. I spent the rest of the night finding little globs of the sticky stuff all over me. I attempted to give myself an alcohol swab bath, which wasn't very effective.
So, I must get ready for my meeting. If only I could go in a bathing suit....
July 8, 2002
It's Monday again and back to work. I don't really feel like I am rested from the last week of work. It is getting hot up here and I am getting worried about trying to sleep through it. I was wishing we knew someone with a pool. I told Shane we should buy a kiddie pool. Then at least we could just sit in it. In fact, we should get a slip and slide! We have a little bump in our yard that would make a sweet ride. We may have to make a trip down to Target.... We had a dead rat in our yard yesterday morning. What's the deal? Why are rodents dying in our yard? And almost all in the same spot. It's very strange and very gross. I wish they would stop it. So, it's really hot right now. I want to go read my book, but I think I will go out on a walk, despite the heat. I need to start up again. I got out of my routine. So, on a walk I will go.
July 4, 2002
Happy 4th of July!
I finished Voyager last night. I am really enjoying these books. I am going to go through withdrawals when I get to the last one. I am now reading The Drums of Autumn, and then the last one written is The Fiery Cross which won't be out in paperback until October. Then, the next one will not be published until 2004. 2004! I could have kids by then! The books are really well written, the characters are so endearing, and the subject matter very interesting.
I have to work tonight, but get paid time and a half for the holiday. It's kind of lame...because we work a half an hour extra on the night before holidays, that is the official holiday for us. Everyone wants to work tonight, to get paid extra and they can still enjoy the holiday. No one ever wants to work the actual holiday, because they miss out on the holiday festivities and are not really getting anything to work. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a normal job. Closed on holidays, weekends, and nights. Wouldn't that be something. I don't think it hit me until half way through nursing school that I would probably have to work nights and weekends and holidays once I was working. It's kind of a bummer. At least up here, there isn't much for me to miss out on. I don't think I would make it if I had to work eight hour shifts instead of twelves. I can't imagine working five nights a week. Talk about not having a life. That would be hard to deal with. So, there are five of us scheduled tonight and unless the census has exploded and tons of surgeries and admissions have occurred, I don't know what they will do with all of us. I guess I will have to wait and see.
July 2, 2002
If I was a boy, my name would be Ryan. That's the name my mom and dad had decided upon. Ryan if I was a boy, Erika if I was a girl. Erika's not my favorite name. It's not my least favorite, either. I wonder how many people, if given the chance to choose a new name, would stick with the one their parents gave them. I don't know what name I would choose.... It has to be hard to choose a name for a baby. The parents usually have a name for the baby before they have even laid eyes on the little one. My parents considered several names for me, as most parents do. Liberty...the bicentinneal baby. Kind of cute. Shane often wishes they had chosen Liberty so he could call me Libby. They also considered Neuria, after a friend they had met while in Tunisia in the Peace Corps. They chose Erika. Erika Emily Klicka. I do like my middle name quite a bit. And I am very thankful that they chose Erika with a k. It is a lot better than Erica or Ericka.
There was a time when my little brother wanted us to call him Nick. Nick was his little friend from school and soccer. My mom did it a few times to humor him and we all thought it was really cute. I think Shane's little brother had a name he liked to be called for a while too. I guess my little brother just thought Nick was so cool and wanted to be just like him.
I guess we name our kids the names we wish we could have been named ourselves. Names that sound pretty or have certain memories attached to them. You spend nine months deciding on the perfect name for this little baby that you have never even seen. A name that they will have for the rest of their lives. It will be interesting to see what names we come up with, when the time comes. I hope we don't come up with names our children will despise when they are older.
July 1, 2002
Our old college group pastor and his family were up here in San Luis for the weekend and stopped by to visit yesterday. He and his wife both graduated from Cal Poly with Engineering degrees and can't get enough of this place. It was really cool to see them and their kids. they brought us up to speed as to the happenings at Riverview E.V. Free and all our old friends. We also went and saw Minority Report yesterday. I managed to stay awake through it and enjoyed it. Church was a different story. I was in agony. Fighting sleep the whole time, fidgeting like crazy to stay awake. It's awful! Can't stop thinking about that cute little guy I got to take care of the other night. I am mostly just wondering how he is doing and what will happen with him. He may be gone by the next time I work. Lucky me, I get to work the 4th of July! I really don't care all that much, actually. It's not like we would be doing anything anyway.
