Erika Bonham dot com

August 8, 2002

I feel like I just walked out of a really loud concert, except I really just got home from work. You know how everything sounds far away and muffled after you've been in close proximity to something loud all night long? Tonight I spent a lot of time in a room with two screeching hearing aides. Regardless of what was done to them, they kept on with their screeching. And then came the point in the evening when the owner of the hearing aides would not hand them over to be adjusted. He wanted out of prison. He wanted to go back to French Hospital. We yelled back and forth to each other for a minute or so. He was yelling because he wanted out of prison. I was yelling because even with his hearing aides he couldn't hear. No wonder with all that screeching. I thought hearing aides were supposed to help. They have probably helped make him more deaf. So, the night progressed and he went in and out of lucidity, telling me how sweet I was, then threatening to punch me in the face. Actually, I believe he asked me how I would like a punch in the face. I wouldn't like it at all, sir. Boy oh boy.

I go to work every night, trying to have a good attitude. I think I will treat each one of my patients like he were Jesus. You know, the whole "whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did it for me" kind of mentality. Then I get a really trying patient and I lose sight of my "servant heart." It's easy to be sweet and compassionate to sweet, appreciative sick people. But you get a difficult one, and it's really sweetness is out the window. I don't usually outwardly express my frustration to the patient. I try to be calm and level headed and fair, but I am no longer sweet and compassionate. And I should be. I am sure this man is not himself. He is sick, he is on a bunch of drugs. I should have a little grace. Mostly, I just feel bad on my way home, when it hits me that on the way to work, twelve hours ago, I was going to be super nurse and treat my patients like they were Jesus and I have treated them exactly opposite of how I would want to treat my Lord. It's something I want to work on. I want to have grace and patience with my patients and to care for them as best I can. I want to stop griping and counting the minutes until I get to go home. I want to enjoy my job and the challenges that I face as I care for them. I want a new attitude.

♥