Erika Bonham dot com

April 1, 2003

Last night was rough at work. I had a patient pass away on me. And the thing is, he wasn't really on his way out when my shift started. He wasn't doing well, like, he wouldn't really talk or anything, but he was pretty much stable.

So, about 1 am or so, he starts getting agitated and his blood pressure went up pretty high. I spent the rest of the night in his room at least every five minutes or so and really, I did everything I could. I called the doctors involved with him several times. I told them all I could. It was hard to tell what was going on, because he was pretty hard to figure out to start with. But something happened. He must have had a stroke or something and by 5 am he was pretty much unstable and eventually passed away. I know I did all I could. I really did. But I still feel bad about all of it. And it was so sad when his wife came in. They were in their late 80s. She was so distraught. She had lost her love. She didn't know what she would do without him. She called it all a cruel April Fool's day joke. It was heartbreaking. It was all very emotionally draining. I wish I could have done something to make it all easier, but I don't think there really was anything I could do. No words to make it better. I don't want to lose the ones I love.

So, I am sick now. I was last night. Coughing, coughing, coughing. I want to reach in and itch my lungs. Skipping work tonight and hoping it will be better tomorrow.

♥