March 15, 2005
I am officially a working mom now. Yesterday actually went well. Ethan had a good day with his Nana. She discovered he will scarf down a bottle like nobody's business if the milk is very, very warm so we no longer have bottle issues (other than he would prefer to be eating at all times).
My day at work went pretty well. I only had two patients, so I can't complain at all. It couldn't have been much better. I was emotional in the morning, but as I kept busy and heard that Ethan was doing well, it became a little easier. The problem is, my heart isn't in it at all. I don't want to be there. I don't want to be anywhere but where Ethan is. I don't know if I can handle working. I have to handle it at this point and I am sure it will get easier for all of us, but I really really really want to be a mommy all of the time. I want to take care of my little babies, not five sick old people. I don't want to miss anything as they grow up. I want to be there for them whenever they need me and even when they don't need me.
At this point, I have to work at least part time. We need my income. We are praying that somehow, I will be able to work less or not at all in the future, but I need to start dealing with the fact that at this point in time, I will be working and make the best of it. I just keep thinking maybe Shane will get a super job that pays great and that will do the trick. I also keep thinking that maybe the key is to move away from this place to somewhere we could afford on one income. I know our parents would kill us and that it would be extremely hard to leave what we know and people we love behind, but it is an option. And I keep thinking about it. They could just come with us if it's a problem for them.... I don't know. This week and the next few weeks to follow will be hard for all of us. Like I said, I just need to make the best of it and know that the Lord is in control and if I am supposed to stay home, He will work it out. Shane wants me to look into baby modeling for Ethan with the promise that when he makes all sorts of money, I can stay home. I think Ethan is cute enough and would be a great Gerber baby, but I don't know where to start or if I could ever pull that off. Plus, I don't want to exploit our sweet little child or to spend the money he would make (if he even made any) only to have him resent us
and leave home at 16 never to be seen again just so I can stay home.
I just want to be a good mommy.
Comments
Tisra:
You’re right, God will work it out. You’ve let Him know the “desire of your heart” and now it just requires patience and obedience. I feel extremely blessed to be a stay-at-home mom, and I know we couldn’t live on just Eric’s income if we were in So. Cal. (apart from some miracle job). Life is expensive there. For us, for now, Nashville is where the Lord wants us- so it works out. You do have a pretty great thing going with family being so close. We really miss that, especially now that we have kiddos.
March 15, 2005 3:06 PM
Matt:
Maybe in a few years you guys could win top prize at Motherboy.
March 15, 2005 6:28 PM
Tisra:
Motherboy! :-)
March 17, 2005 8:17 AM
Erika:
I didn’t get Motherboy at first, but now I do. We can wear matching sailor outfits!
March 17, 2005 9:48 AM
Tisra:
I don’t know how you are with Ethan, but Eric and I cringe at the sight of a little boy in a sailor suit. Cringe. Why do people do that to their little boys?
March 17, 2005 10:32 AM
Erika:
I feel that way about sweater vests and bow ties. No offense if you think they are sweet, but they make me cringe. I am not really into sailor suits either. Sailor dresses=cute on little girls, though.
March 19, 2005 9:33 PM
Anonymous:
I hate my bottle too.
March 23, 2005 7:35 PM