Erika Bonham dot com

March 16, 2006

This last Christmas, while shopping for stocking stuffers for Shane, I happened upon “Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans.” For those of you who do not read Harry Potter, these beans are exactly what they say they are…every falvor. They are made by Jelly Belly. I didn’t really think much about it. I thought they would be regular old jelly belly’s maybe with funny names or something. Not so. Here is a list of the delicious flavors:

bacon, black pepper, blueberry, booger, buttered popcorn, cherry, cinnamon, dirt, earthworm, earwax, grape jelly, grass, green apple, lemon drop, rotten egg, sardine, soap, toasted marshmallow, tutti-frutti, vomit.

Yum.

In January on Shane’s birthday, Matt, Shane, and I cracked them open. We played a very low key game of “pick a jelly bean and eat it, regarless of how disgusting it might be.” It was enough to convince us that yes, these are nasty, but it was fun at the same time.

I don’t know why I did it, but I bought more. I guess it was mostly because they were way cheap (I wonder why) and we were going to visit Andrew and I thought he would appreciate them.

So in Tennessee, the every flavor bean game gets hard core. We are going through this bowl of nasty nasty jelly beans and it is awful. Vomit is awful, Rotten egg is possibly worse. Soap almost tastes ok compared to the others. I was kind of on a lucky streak, picking mostly green apples and blueberries and so on (I didn’t mention we were picking without looking). And then it happened. I picked sardine. It was the most awful taste I have ever tasted. I gagged, I seriously thought I was going to throw up. It was so bad. According to our “rules,” we had to swallow them. I couldn’t do it. I tried, but I couldn’t and ended spitting it out. Andrew and Shane laughed so hard. I felt like I had a sardine in my mouth for the rest of the day. It was bad but also funny. The game ended there but the bowl of Bertie Bott’s every flavor beans sat on the table the entire week of our stay.

I don’t know why on earth anyone would make that candy. It is so awful. Awful. I don’t know if I will ever like jelly belly’s again.

The sickest thing of all is that we have another unopened box of the things. I think they will be unopened for a long long time. I guess they are a good gag gift. I know I am not going to have anything to do with them.

♥